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| this week was suppose to be the alleged week of hell that i've been dreading since the beginning of senior year. but! when the week began, i kind of didn't really care anymore.
sure. i had ib testing every day for long hours and of course i wanted to do well, but when it came down it to it, the fact was that the whole concept of ib is so far from what i wanted and imagined when i signed up for it in 8th grade that i no longer really care. naturally, i still want that diploma, but really i'm a bit apathetic. the only thing holding me back from just straight up doodling on my paper was that i didn't want to disappoint the teachers who really thought i had the ability to do it. and granted, if i really did study the 6 hours daily the night before, the 'expected scores' my teachers gave me would have been as good as received and sent off to colleges.
sadly, i took the easy way out and decided that at this point, i don't care. and so...i didn't study. i feel really bad about myself for doing that. there's this chinese saying...basically, in a nutshell, the saying goes to say that i shouldn't fudge up something i've worked hard for RIGHT when it's near completion. but that's precisely what i did.
history was...okay. i'm definitely not getting that six. there's just no way. my grade is counting on those two essays i wrote on castro and the cuban revolution. i messed up the dates on one paper so that didn't work out either.
english...i only took part one. everyone wrote prose and developed a theme. i wrote on setting and how it develops a 'mental image' for the audience of what the author is trying to convey. i'd say that's an utter failure seeing as how my essay became mostly redundant and i've always been more comfortable with writing about theme. i have no idea why i did that nor do i want to go back and evaluate my stupidity.
biology. oh for the death of me, i can't regurgitate bio information. all three papers, multiple choice/essays/options, all of them, i royally screwed them over and failed. i'd be amazed if i get a 3 or a 4. chances are, i failed this subject and it will be the downfall of my ib career.
math. took part one today. i didn't think it was too bad until i started talking with others about it. i left quite a few part Bs and or Cs blank and i really want to kick myself for forgetting how to do probability. i did well on the 'paper one' on my math final so really, i wasn't expecting to get my butt kicked nearly as badly as it apparently did. tomorrow is 'paper two'. i'm contemplating whether or not that, as my third to last ib test...ever, if i should study tonight and try to salvage what i can of once-to-be diploma.
spanish. haven't taken it yet. if i get anything lower than a 5 on that...i probably will cry. i will be working hard on conjugating verbs correctly, thank you.
psych...took it last year. got a 5.
so out of the necessary 24 points to pass, i secured 5 last year. i think i got/get 1-2 points for my tok paper and my extended essay. hopefully 2 points. i'm actually feeling pretty crappy about it. mckinley had pretty high hopes for me. i think kasper expected something decent and i'm pretty darn sure yi at least expected me to pass. i don't want to disappoint them. i think that is worse than not knowing what i'm doing because they had wanted me to do well and i didn't. if i could redo something...anything! it would be to change my work ethics.
everyone's been saying how the tests were bs-able and people will pass for sure. i really am not that optimistic and don't think that'd be the case. right now i feel like i don't care about that diploma, but really...i do. and i care about my teachers and their disappointment in me. i'm just a bit detached because it's been eating away at me for so long, but really, there's nothing more that i want than to pass with the rest of my class and not have to force a smile when i act like i did well this year, only to know i really didn't and won't be there with my classmates the next.
IA scores please pull me through for my overall ib grades.
now that the long rant is over with. things to look forward to.
-senior munch: luau
-senior picnic
-senior munch: dland
-ib banquet (ugh that reminds me of ib once again)
-awards of excellence
-ib field trip to the getty
-reflections
-graduation
-summer (which includes: 18!, orientation at sc, hopefully a trip to catalina with friends :], family trip?)
(dang...long post. D:)
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| Headed out with my sister today and checked out SFSU in the morning. Started off pretty bad hahaha We forgot things twice and had to go back to her place to pick them up. We ended up arriving there after the hospitality management informational meeting began so we just wandered the booths and checked stuff out.
Met a girl named Tina (or so my sister says. I thought she said Lina/Lena). Anyway, she's a transfer student aiming for biology. Sadly, after we parted ways to our separate department booths, I didn't see her again so didn't get her contact info. But if I do go to the school, I might run into her someday.
Back to SFSU. The school itself is pretty nice. A condensed version of UCSD.
1. Scenery is nice (tons of lush greens)
2. Right next to a mall :D
3. Right by the muni which leads to the bart (and only $45 a month I think for unlimited travel)
4. Psych (the major I was accepted in) is SUPER packed with people who want to get in but can't. I was fortunate. That aside, SFSU has a great rep for psych. #2 choice at the school. (Hospitality management here is good too).
5. The dorms are nice!
Went on a half hour tour of the school. Heard that in the science building, the first level is filled with cadavers for anatomy testing. Fun stuff...(did I mention that there's a cafeteria on the 5th floor of the SAME building?)
Then went to go listen to a psych intro thing in a SUPER cramped lecture hall. =_= It was stuffy...but somewhat informative. I need to check to see if my IB/AP psych credits count for waiving the intro course to psych class.
Left after that. Traffic was just horrible all around. To and from SF. Drivers were being lame and cutting without signalling and at inappropriate times (read as: when my sister's car is directly next to them *cough*) So we went to Oakland to get afternoon tea. Pretty good.
Went back to her place. Got sleepy so I napped. Macaroni Grill for dinner (while drawing and mocking my sister's drawings). Came back and played wii. A very productive day indeed.
Tomorrow, it is off to Santa Cruz for me. As of now, SF state is looking quite nice (maybe aside from how small it is but I think that's okay).
Now, off to bed.
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| Last high school spring break ever~
I'm in San Francisco now. Ahh cooler weather suits me...I think. Today is off to SF state with my sister to go take a tour at the school and get to know the place. Ought to be pretty fun. Hopefully, SF state doesn't disappoint.
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| It's November. Mid November.
I finally changed my layout because I had some time. But firefox somehow distorts it and centers my blog. It looks fine on IE...oh well. So be it.
Reading Twilight. Should not be procrastinating on college apps. Need to prepare and take that last SAT down.
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| Mid-October. A period of interesting things.
1) Season is changing. I love fall and winter. I miss curling up into warm sweatshirts and dreaming about anything and nothing.
2) School. Applications. SATs. Dances. Testing. Some fun. Some not so fun. Some life changing and some that will be memorable.
3) Friends. I've been bonding with my pals a lot. It feels good.
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